jenny jen jen

Unemployment does something funny to me.

I have worked since I was 15. I helped clean up a local roller hockey rink to play in a league before I was 16, and after that, I’ve worked at numerous fast food, retail, customer service, and office jobs. I’ve very rarely not had at least one job. Even now, while being unemployed, I have a little bit of part-time work before I head out to San Diego.

That’s part of why unemployment bothers me. I haven’t really known what it’s like to be unemployed.

Sometimes I blame employment for any time I had difficulties in school. Now that I look back on it, some of it was indeed detrimental to my performance in school, but I also realize that I wasn’t very good at keeping in touch with my advisers, some of whom were not very good advisers in the first place. My workload next to employment was pretty tough. I should’ve paced myself a bit better, and while I wish I’d been able to only study in college, I don’t necessarily regret working. It was fulfilling, I learned quite a lot, and I made a lot of good friends.

When I have nowhere to be in the mornings or don’t have goals that are outside of solely personal interests, it’s a little bit tougher to get out of bed. Actually, it’s a lot tougher to get out of bed. It’s harder to get motivated to get things done, because I am no longer planning things according to a set of priorities that are more or less out of my control. When I’m employed, it helps my sleep, my diet, and my discipline in general — besides the fact that income is a necessary thing.

I’ll be looking for any kind of employment I can get when I first get to San Diego. My parents always taught me that I’m not above service jobs; while I have a college degree and would prefer not to have to work in the service industry for the rest of my life, I know that I’ll need it to get by. I try very hard to pay a lot of respect to service industry workers because I know that they’re just trying to get by, too, and I knew I’d be back in that position again one day. Fingers crossed, it will only be temporary.

I really, really hope that I’ll be blogging about employment within a month’s time.

(And tweeting less. Apparently I tweet the most when I’m unemployed — see June and October.)

As a lot of my friends know, I was laid off almost a month ago after an all-too-brief stint at a local startup. I haven’t found a job to fill that void, and because it’s been hard staying in one place for work, it looks like it’s time for me to get out of Boulder.

As of right now, the plan is to pack my things, put most of it into storage, and head west to San Diego.

I didn’t want to be writing this. I was hoping that I’d find something at the last minute. But when I look at my finances and all of my options, it doesn’t make any sense for me to stay.

Am I angry? It varies, but for the most part, yes. While I usually take the stance that I am always lucky to have anything at all, I felt truly jipped this time. I fully intended to stay in Boulder for a while. I love this town, I love this neighborhood, and I love the people around me. I needed several months of a steady job to start paying off bills and for some reason it just wasn’t meant to be.

However, I’m comfortable in Boulder. I think I’m too young to be comfortable here. What happens when a person is too comfortable where they’re at is what happens when people settle for things and become complacent. I’d like to spend the rest of my life in Boulder, but not just yet; I want to explore what else is out there and come back some day. It’ll always be here.

So why San Diego? For one, there are more opportunities for my type of work out there. Also, a lovely friend is helping me out by renting her place out to me, and I’m incredibly grateful. I’ve now got friends there — not a whole lot, but I’m good at making new friends — and there are particular people out there with whom I’d like to spend a whole lot more time.

The last time I left Boulder, I knew I was coming back for school. Now I don’t have any other reason to come back besides the fact that I love this town. I appreciated it a lot more when I left it for a while, and it’ll be that way again.

I might have a night out before I leave. Actually, I’ll definitely have a night out before I leave. I’ll at least be out on the town for Halloween and there will be at least one more trip to the Downer. But I hope I get the chance to say goodbye to everyone, and I’ll try my best to see people before I get out of here.

Is this goodbye, Boulder? Not entirely. Just for a bit.

Ignite Boulder. Oh, how it has grown.

From less than two hundred people in a smart room on the CU campus to a nearly sold-out show at the Boulder Theater (only 12 tickets were left when the sales ended), Ignite Boulder has become one hell of an event.

After Ignite Boulder 5 and its exceptional performances, I knew I had to try to submit another topic. I had gotten lots of suggestions from friends and plenty of reassurance that I couldn’t go wrong with another submission. This time, it was Ben’s suggestion to try some Swedish in my presentation that really got me going. Thus it was born: “Bork Bork Bork: Swedish 101 for Foreigners.”

I was beyond excited but nervous. Last time I spoke in front of no more than 500 people, and this time it could’ve topped 800. Thankfully, it went as well (if not better) than I had hoped for — people laughed where I wanted them to (and at some times, in places I didn’t expect), the crowd learned a little bit of Swedish, even my father came to watch, and I didn’t screw up!

I have to say that this was probably my favorite Ignite, and it was not because I felt like I succeeded — that’s just the icing on the cake. There were some fantastic presentations that exceeded my expectations and absolutely blew my mind. I laughed, learned, and overall, I really enjoyed myself.

It’s so hard to pick favorites, highs or lows, surprises, etc., from Ignite Boulder. I loved Ef Rodriguez’s Sacrificial Deck in which he showed the crowd that you can forget a line or two and still pull off an amazing presentation. Plus, he sang!

Ef wasn’t alone in entertaining the crowd with music. Mountain Standard Time played a few sets, and we were all happy to help them out a bit — turns out their equipment got jacked a few weeks ago. I hope we raised some cash for them.

It was nice to finally meet Jen Yu, who presented on “Food Porn: Behind the Lens,” but it’s too bad I didn’t get to talk to Sari Levi more because I thought her presentation on “The Alternative, Alternative Energy: My Million-Dollar Idea” — capitalizing on America’s obesity — was brilliant.

I laughed a lot thanks to Ryan Wanger (”Our Princess is In Another Castle”), Vanessa Schneider (”The Things They Don’t Tell You About a DUI”), Luke Tilsley (”Have You Kissed Like a Trobiand Native?”), Heather Clisby (”Screw Logic: An Unbelievable Look at Bizarre Beliefs”), George Smith (”How to Master Debate”), and Dave Burdick (”Everything I Need to Know About Journalism I Learned From Ghostbusters”).  From Blowseph and crude jokes involving Australia to video game nerds and how many people believe the sun revolves around the earth, I got my fair share of laughter from these presentations.

But we all learned a lot from Naomi Meredith (”Making Friends and Insulting People – The Shakespearean Way”), Cristina Sagray (”Classic Literature Through The Eyes of a Teenage Chick Flick”), Todd Berger (”Business Earth”), Kaley Sutton (who presented on Burning Man), and Michael Brown (”Reward and Risk”). It was dead silent as Michael Brown described life and death on Mt. Everest through his experiences as an Emmy Award-winning filmmaker — we closed with some clips of his work, a perfect way to end the best Ignite Boulder yet.

Oh yeah… and I almost forgot! The volunteers were great as always. They handled the huge line really well, and there were no technical problems. The whole thing went so smoothly!

“Sätter eld på Boulder” is how you would say “set Boulder on fire” in Swedish. And that’s just what happened at Ignite Boulder 6!

This is no less than 1/8 of the blue Pyrex dish that exploded when I tried to add water to it while it was still very hot from continuous, direct heat.

See, I should’ve learned my lesson a few years ago when I witnessed how a mere touch of cool air made the glass door of my parents’ oven explode all over the kitchen. My dad taught me this, and I learned it in physics class: tempered glass shatters entirely and abruptly when breaking, unlike regular glass, which will break in shards and more gradually.

Extreme temperatures or stress can shatter and entire object made of tempered glass. At least, that’s what I learned. Contrary to what I did tonight, you’re not supposed to use it on the stovetop or in the broiler. The funny thing is that I knew this — but I completely forgot while using a makeshift system to steam my puto (no, not like the Spanish profanity, but the Filipino cake). See, I knew better — I knew I was doing something wrong — but it didn’t strike me that I was supposed to use a tin, not a Pyrex dish, on the stove top when improvising a steamer. Instead, I watched the dishes carefully, up until the water ran out of the Pyrex dish and I tried to add more water — as soon as I tipped the Pyrex measuring cup and began to pour water, I knew I’d made a mistake. Before I could do anything about it, the Pyrex dish burst.

I was really, really lucky I didn’t get hurt. I was really lucky that my face was not injured. I was really lucky that although I found glass shards in my shirt and cardigan, none of it had hurt me.

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I’ve been meaning to write this post for a while now, but it took me a while to get to it, even though many different Twitter-related happenings have occurred that would normally give me a lot of motivation to write a post about it.

You see, Twitter has been getting on my nerves for many months now. I first started getting tired of Twitter when CNN started to pick up on it, asking people to voice their opinions and basing entire shows off of the concept of giving viewers a voice. The problem with that, if you ask me, is that a lot of the hot topics on the news are far more serious than 140 characters, and require much more space, time, and context than a mere tweet. Of course, that’s been a problem in journalism for a while now; 140 characters is extreme when examining the way that half-hour news programs have severely limited the quality of content while becoming a prime source of news for most Americans.

I could go on and on about user-generated content, the importance of editorial discretion, why journalism is dying, etc., and it’s all relevant — but it’s only distantly related to my unhappiness with Twitter.

Twitter is beginning to tire me out because of the way it is being used by a large amount of its user base. When I first joined Twitter, I thought it was a neat concept; I could broadcast something I wanted to say to a lot of people, and they could get it on their phones if they wanted to. I could keep updated on what my friends are doing without having to ask each person separately what their plans are for the weekend or if they felt like seeing a movie. I, like many others, never anticipated Twitter becoming quite as huge as it is now, nor did anyone actually anticipate the rush it has become to gain followers, build a brand, start discussions, etc. In all honesty, I’m quite disappointed that it has become such a big deal.

And don’t even get me started on all the social media guru stuff that goes around. The hundreds of top ten lists that circulate the Internet, written by supposed social media experts? I get so tired of it. But like I said — don’t get me started.

I’ve been involved in a few arguments over Twitter lately with people whom I know personally to some extent. Funny enough, the arguments have been sports-related. Now, I’m pretty into sports; I’m a Cubs fan, I love the mechanics and the rules of football, I play and love watching ice hockey, and I tend to get pretty involved when the World Cup rolls around. But by no means am I a Super Fan (though I’ll always be devoted to the Cubs), and I think I have a hard time understanding such intense fandom when it becomes personal. Regardless of my stance on sports, it was the combination of debate/argument/discussion with the incessant need to pursue the topic over Twitter that really turned me off. I was accused of not wanting to stand up for what I was saying, amongst other things, especially when I wanted to stop the discussion. In fact, it’s the exact opposite — I want to stand up for myself and continue a discussion, but it’s not possible to do so on Twitter. I don’t believe that Twitter is the proper medium for arguments; it is not a glorified chat room, nor does it provide much space for one to properly and thoroughly discuss a topic.

On top of that, what’s the result of trying to halt such an occurrence? Name-calling, unfollowing, blocking, and really just unpleasant behavior. Come on, people. It’s Twitter! It’s not necessarily the right place to start a serious conversation. If I mean to start a serious conversation, I wouldn’t start it on Twitter. Therefore, what I talk about on Twitter is not serious. There’s a reason I don’t delve into most of what I do at work on Twitter. There’s a reason I stopped talking about my love life on Twitter. Those reasons, with different pieces of nuance to each, all come down to the same things. Plain and simple, Twitter is just not the place for a multitude of valuable interactions; it takes away from quality, just as not all news can be summarized in 30-second snippets or within a half hour of a news program. Regardless of the different ways it can provide a great service, it just isn’t the best place for everything — especially long-winded and rather public arguments.

Even though I find it ludicrous to create a policy for something one doesn’t take so seriously in the first place, I think I will have to put some time into writing about the reasons I use Twitter and what I expect (or don’t expect) from others when interacting on Twitter. For instance, I really like Jeremy Tanner’s Twitter policy. Although I think that it’s slightly dated in the sense that following/unfollowing is no longer one of the top issues users have with etiquette and behavior, it’s still a pretty solid start.

In the meantime, I don’t mind hiding out from Twitter for a while. I’ve discovered that the less time I spend on Twitter, the more time I spend reading a good book or two. The less time I spend on Twitter, the more I get done at work. And the less time I spend on Twitter, the less I get pissed off at asinine arguments that are best conducted through other media.

Yep. I’m a Cubs fan.

It comes from my family all living in Chicago. I’m not terribly close to my father’s side, but I associate pretty closely with my mom’s family. My mom moved to Near North Side sometime in the 1970s, before she found a job in Dallas, TX, and met my father. She and a few of her siblings crammed into a little apartment right off Lake Shore and enjoyed the city life for a while. Now most of my family lives in the suburbs, except for the cousins who are going to school or have a job in the city.

Before rooting for the Cubs, I really didn’t root for anybody. I was happy with the Red Sox winning their first World Series in decades because I knew the Cubs weren’t very close to it themselves. Several years later, after choosing my allegiance, I admit that I enjoyed seeing the Rockies make it to the World Series — even though it meant that my Cubs weren’t there. After all, as the song goes, “The last time we won the National League Pennant / was the year they dropped the bomb in Japan.” You can credit a Rockies fan for giving that song to me, though I had heard it one spring in the car on the way to the suburbs from the airport. How unfortunate for the songwriter, Steve Goodman, who in his lifetime never saw the Cubbies win a World Series much less a pennant — not that anyone today can say that they saw the Cubs win a World Series.

I really should be at the game right now. The  Cubs are losing to the Rockies 4-3 in the top of the 6th right as I type, and the Cubs lost last night with probably a more horrendous score (I like to forget about this kind of thing). Tomorrow I’ll be watching at Coors Field, wearing my Soriano shirt and swearing like a sailor, but I won’t stand down. Yes, I will go to Coors Field and be one of those jerks rooting against the home team. I’m totally fine with that.

And hey! The Cubs just tied the game at 4!

But will I get my hopes up? Probably not. Like my father told me, “The Cubs were created by God to make us suffer here on Earth.” I don’t know — to believe in God is to believe  that the Cubs might just win a World Series someday. Would God make the northern half of the city of Chicago absolutely, incredibly, pitifully miserable?

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There’s a fair amount of both good and bad things happening this week, and it’s only fair to make a list about each. Why, though? Why make a list instead of blathering on editorial-style? Because I like lists, that’s why!

THE GOOD LIST

• I’m two weeks away from starting my first ‘real’ job! For the time being, burger-flipping gigs and driving-around-drunk-kids jobs are behind me. More on said job after I get my feet wet.
• I feel like my old self again. Motivated, successful, happy — and it’s all due to letting go of dead weight. Moving on is a good thing!
• There’s a boy — details withheld — whom I rather like, and who rather likes me, and who I get to see soon when he gets back from an out-of-state trip. Excited? Yes. Nervous? Yes. But is this good? Absolutely. I consider him a bonus in my life right now; I’ve got a lot going for me at the moment and having a relationship in there is a lot to juggle.
• I have a place to live after my lease runs out! It’s a great place, in a great location, and at a decent price. Bonus points: my leases overlap and I have time to move my stuff in from my old place without too much pressure.
• I just convinced my family (more precisely, my mother) to take important action in a tough situation. It’s the very first step to getting down to a real solution.
• I’m replacing most of my most frequently-used technology this week. This means a first-generation iPhone (training wheels, right?) and a tablet notebook, both of which I am getting through friends/acquaintances. They’re precursors to the iPhone I’m rewarding to myself for being hired (I bribed myself through the excruciating job search) and the to-be-determined laptop that will actually function well (I hope!).
• I’m going to a wedding tomorrow between two of my high school classmates. It’ll be one of those “finally!” moments, despite all of us being in our early twenties, because some people are just meant to be with each other.

THE BAD LIST

• Said tough situation may result in a few broken relationships that may never heal. Unfortunately, what has been done cannot be undone, and this is practically inevitable.
• The realization that my brother has moved is finally starting to set in, and I think it will be a while before I accept it.
• I’ve had two massive technology failures this week, the first being my BlackBerry going on the fritz and the second being my laptop’s power connection getting loose. While both are functional, they’re not fully-functional, and I desperately need fully-functional technology for most of my daily obligations. Thankfully, they’re both being replaced soon.
• I’m going to a wedding tomorrow. (Yep, it was in my ‘good’ list, too!) It’ll be a nice wedding, but it will once again remind me how many friends are getting married and having kids now, which is always kinda depressing (until it happens to you). I’ll be sans-boy, because, well, it’s a bit too early to be taking him to weddings.
• I’m getting backed up with all the things I need to have finished by Friday, which means I won’t be getting much sleep. This also means I’ll be spending more on coffee.
• A very good man was murdered this week in Boulder. He was an acquaintance who always made my day when I worked merchandise at a show or attended an event where he worked. These kinds of things never end well.

I wish I could say that the good outweighs the bad, but between the tough family situation and the murder, it’s hard to take personal gains with more weight. However, I’m optimistic that the next set of lists I make like this will have far more good points than bad.

And now that I think of it, I still kinda blathered on…

I’ve blogged about my dreams before. Quiet often I’ll dream ‘in’ things — that is, my dream is conducted through something, like an activity, almost the way conversation is conducted ‘in’ a language. Lately it hasn’t been that way at all, however; instead, my dreams have been far more vivid than usual, to the point where I’ve woken up thinking — or sometimes wishing — that I’ve actually just done what happened in my dream.

I’m not terribly interested in the metaphysical. I’m not really interested in the spiritual. I don’t necessarily believe that dreams can signify important events, nor do I think it is ever possible to predict the future in dreams. However, I do believe that dreams ebb and flow with one’s mental state, and I guess, in a way, it can actually be pretty important to pay attention to one’s dreams.

I suppose, if there was any reason why I’ve had such vivid dreams lately, that I have a lot on my mind simply because there is quite a lot going on in my life lately. I’ve been hired to start a job in mid-August (don’t worry, that will get its own blog entry), I am a little stressed about finding a place when my lease runs up, my brother moved away, my parents are moving away, and all of this change is happening really quickly. So it should be no surprise that sleeping, whether because of dreams or just stress in general, is a little hard to come by lately.

I don’t always like these vivid dreams. Honestly, the most recent ones have bothered me quite a lot. They haven’t been violent or scary, just far too realistic, especially when I know that none of it is happening.

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Yeah, I forgot about this one — it was filmed at least a year ago. That’s when I didn’t wear glasses (and was rounder?). It’s kind of weird to hear myself talk on video…

Anyhow, this was filmed for the purpose of showing incoming students or potential students the kinds of opportunities available at CU. I’m not so sure why they followed lil’ ol’ me around, but it was a fun experience, and I hope they like their video.

Last week marked two years since I moved back to the U.S. from Uppsala, Sweden. I climbed on a plane on 20 June 2007 to go to Dublin for two days before flying into Chicago for a week with the family, ultimately landing back in Denver, CO on 29 June 2007.

I think about life in Sweden almost daily. If I had the opportunity — that is, the visa for a job and a job that can pay my bills — then I’d probably be back there in an instant. After all, part of the reason I pretty much abandoned my desire to go to law school was because I could see myself living in Sweden again, and law school (and paying for law school) takes the kind of time and effort that would keep me from being able to return anytime soon.

Once in a while, I dream about life in Uppsala. I have one particular recurring dream that I happen to enjoy: I’m in Storatorget in Uppsala, walking through the Åhléns, telling myself that I can will myself to step out of my dream and onto the streets in an instant, just for a quick visit. I wind my way through the shops and the streets and find myself unable to will myself there, knowing that my time is limited and I’ve only got hours or even minutes before I wake up in my bed back in Colorado.

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